Honest with Myself

Basking in the midst of undeserved blessings, flowing freely and generously, ungrateful and seemingly unaware of shielded bullets I didn't even see. ...Living life full of what I want and chasing selfish desires. If I am to be honest with myself, this is what I have become. 

I can't imagine what God thinks when He looks at me with His rosy colored lens, able as only He can to see through the nonsense I've built for myself, able to move beyond the wall I've carefully constructed. Dear God help me to be honest with myself. 

Speaking words with hopes that ear drums would be massaged, articulating and deviating from native tongue I say what I think needs to be heard, instead of what my heart receives from You....You, my Lord, help me to be honest with myself. 

Lost in the spaces between letters I piece together a Word that justifies my disobedience, my fleshly desires when I know that God requires a sacrifice. My life, Father I give to You with my full consent and compliance take my will....I will not deny it. I need you now, if I am to be honest with myself. 

Unsure of what is to come and so heavily burdened with thoughts of should have and could have, I know I didn't, but I would have... If only I could have been honest with myself. 

I surrender all, and starting now will make a change....if I were to be honest with myself. 

By Andrew J. Dorsey
February 24, 2015 - 11:56 p.m.

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