State of Mind

Tears that crowd my room I can not dry nor comfort with promises of a brighter day, or a welcoming light at the end of the tunnel.

This state of mind is dangerous and forces me to manipulate those who care for me, using mindless jokes or empty gestures to distract their attention and divert their focus to anything other than the loneliness that's devouring me.

This state of mind leaves me swinging from rope to rope, never with any hope of escaping the routine, caught in a loop - a circle as wide as a dream and endless as time itself.

This state of mind is no one's friend and is the beginning of the end of a life ill-spent, searching for a single diamond in a pool of shit.

This state of mind makes me want to give up and end this fight - fight to satisfy him and appease her and understand me.

I would say I quit and release myself from the guilt - feelings of guilt for wanting to be happy. This state of mind makes me believe I do not deserve and could never earn the state of mind that is truly happy, regardless of my state of mind.

By Andrew J. Dorsey
June 14, 2009 - 3:41 a.m.

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