Rambling

At times I find myself laughing when there isn't anything funny - no joke or comedians to tickle by funny bone - sitting here laughing alone.

Trying to make a home of a stick and stone, starring at this house, my house, dreaming of pictures on these empty walls, gazing into dirty mirrors .

Lost on an endless search for answers to a question I'm afraid to ask. The whys begin to overlap and merge with the whens, who's - whose fault harbors the blame for the shame that masks my face - bravery torn from my confident stride.

I wish I could disappear without a trace, never to have been here before in this desolate place - another force guides this pen as I guide over page after page of immortal disgrace once I was told to burn the pen and turn from the paper for a fear that I would someday write myself into a place I fear I've already arrive.

No comfort here among hurtful memories and fake laughter so many thoughts that cloud my mind and ultimately define who I am - what I've become who I pray I shall never become.

Probably searching for what's in front of me - seeking the one to change everything - I wonder if he for whom I daily await knows the power that he has...the power to completely change my life and transform me into what I yearn to be.

100 variations of one religion trying to give me 100 reasons and 100 ways by which I can discover "true peace" and "real happiness" - both of which have been become figments of a pseudo - reality and wild imagination.

By Andrew J Dorsey
April 8, 2008 - 7:27 p.m.

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