Shades of Drew

Lonesome tears fall on a sunny day, when the air is so full of laughter. hearing words from whose who inspire, fighting the urge to shout, "SHUT UP YOU LIAR!" They say these words do not satisfy their inner thirst for lust, ignoring the hidden message, the subtle cry for help, not attention - nevertheless, pressing forward with selfish intention. I could write about the sun, if the rain would not shade the day. I could smile for real if I could lie about the way I feel. I am taught that true peace rests in the love of God, so I wrap myself with God's jacket of love - that just doesn't fit...and I'm tired of fighting to put it on. Slowly drowning in a pool of water, I just want a breath - can I breathe? Then I realize that the jacket doesn't fit, because I'm overweight with the cares of this world. So I release the stress, step out of the mess, pray God to bless and fill the emptiness. Although I never could, I probably never should...cry for all that I...

Raindrops racing one after the other, gracefully maneuvering around dirt clusters glued to my window pane. Starring aimlessly at an empty glass of champagne. Raindrops floating through the air, dancing among the stars with the wind, bouncing between here and there where silence disturb sound in soothing waves, then clash with the ground. Raindrops moving closer to me from afar, scratching my surface without leaving a scar, invading sacred places - an undesired necessity - finding light moonlight chases. Raindrops singing me to sleep with soft melodies, penetrating my anxious mind - leaving stress behind. Hypnotizing hymnals, relaxing tones that arrest time, ticking and tocking and grandfather's chimes. Raindrops with me where ever I go, building up streams that neither ebb or flow - drowning hills and mountain tops - small and steady, promising potential to flood us all, dating centuries, non one could recall. Raindrops racing, raindrops floating, raindrops moving, raindrops si...

I have feelings I can't explain, racing through my veins, tingling and tantalizing my senses. I have feelings that make me want to touch it and rub it and feel it, filling me from the inside out, hypnotized by the ummmm... caught up in a daze, lost at first gaze. I just can't stop wanted and yearning for you to hold me, sensually, passionately, romantically, sexually. I have feelings that I just can't control taking over me - has me wet and I'm not done yet, in fact it has just begun. I fought it for so long, but you have won. Take me. I give to you all that's within me, watching your expressions as you taste my perfections, the pressure rising, throbbing for release, so I slow it down to calm the beast. Not ready to explode - concentrate baby and hold your load while my hips sway to the rhythm of your sighs, gently massaging this beast between my thighs. With pulses racing my heart shaken, mesmerized by the love we're making. Doing things I never thought I'...

Today someone hugged me and I almost could not let go - strange affections raced through my veins - the hair stood up on my neck - to feel loved. Today someone smiled at me and I was locked in a distant stare - easily amused and quickly lifted from a sea of dejection, shielded by reflections of rejections. Today someone said HELLO and I was seen, ripped from the clutches of invisibility. Questioning readiness and loosing patience - mindless judgements and forced seclusion. Today someone prayed with me and my heart was revived - hope returned to visit the dark spaces - my familiar places. Welcome oh gentle warmth to warm the cold, welcome oh gentle cool to sooth my soul. Today someone asked if I was OK and I said, "I'm fine." I lied. I lied to evade the cliches and I lied to suppress my feelings that fester within. But today, I felt loved, today I was lifted, today I was seen, was encouraged, today, I lied. By Andrew J Dorsey 6/11/2008 - 2:41 p.m.

At times I find myself laughing when there isn't anything funny - no joke or comedians to tickle by funny bone - sitting here laughing alone. Trying to make a home of a stick and stone, starring at this house, my house, dreaming of pictures on these empty walls, gazing into dirty mirrors . Lost on an endless search for answers to a question I'm afraid to ask. The whys begin to overlap and merge with the whens, who's - whose fault harbors the blame for the shame that masks my face - bravery torn from my confident stride. I wish I could disappear without a trace, never to have been here before in this desolate place - another force guides this pen as I guide over page after page of immortal disgrace once I was told to burn the pen and turn from the paper for a fear that I would someday write myself into a place I fear I've already arrive. No comfort here among hurtful memories and fake laughter so many thoughts that cloud my mind and ultimately define who I am - what I...

Sometimes I get so upset at myself for allowing myself to fall so deeply in love with the thought of truly loving you. Spending so much of my energy trying to be someone you would never appreciate. SO overwhelmed with thoughts of one day being held a willing captive in your arms, snuggled safely in your embrace. Often times I sit and pray for a breath absent of your scent - praying for a thought with no impression of you. Secretly wishing that you and I could walk through a perpetual whirlwind together, in each other's smile - in each other's hearts. I only can yearn so much to experience you before the yearning and desire transforms into a pure hate. I can only hold back the urge to know you - to really know you for so long before I have completely run out of words to pen the way I feel. By Andrew J Dorsey April 1, 2008 - 8:47 p.m.

As much as I would like to be the man you dreamed I'd be, I am grateful for the man I am - at least that's what I tell myself. Day by day, seconds evolve into hours that I sit and wish I could the find strength you need to see in me. As much as I would like to dance with you the rhythms that excite your emotion, I am proud to move through time in unique motions that appear to fade into the back of your thoughts - or at least that's what I tell myself. As much as I would like to possess the curves that evoke your passion, I am content with the plump physique I call, ME - at least that's what I tell myself. As much as I would like to be OK without you, I'm NOT - at least that's what I tell myself. By Andrew J Dorsey March 19, 2008 - 9:37 p.m.

Sometimes I wonder when my heart fell, then continue to fall in fields of rocks and stones - trying to duck and dodge the waves of hills missing the thrills of all I should be glad. Sometimes I wonder when I will laugh for real - an uncontrollable laughter that shakes the walls that trap me. Holding me back from forward - quickly slipping through halls of regret, jumping over empty holes, playing a game of life that won't quit. Sometimes I wonder why the soldiers who signed up for war die when the ones unwillingly drafted escape the welcoming , comforting clutches of death. Sometimes I wonder who I am, who I should be and how to fill the gap in between, which is where I am stuck. Chipping away at cracks to see the light - fussing with life, running toward the end, with no thought of the road. Sometimes I wonder if all I despise about the painting is the very thing that makes the painting priceless. Wonder why every time I try to be happy my eyes are clouded with despair. Wond...

In a world of lonely people I have my cell phone and no one to call. So close to all I have and no one to share. In a world of lonely people, I have my house built of bricks and sticks on lands of lonely hands. People walking by, waving as they pass, racing to beat the mass of lonely people. In a world of so many lonely people I have no one to hold, no one to read these thoughts to, hugging my pillow in a leu of a person in a world of lonely people. Don't cry for me dear world of lonely people I have my own tears to console my soul - no other lonely people to make me whole. Today I saw a world of lonely people. I closed my eyes to fight my very last tear, during the last one I said this is my year. I open my mouth hoping to say something that will catch the attention of a world of lonely people. As I dance through this world of lonely people, softly grazing the essence of those I see - stealing anything, borrowing whatever I can use to allude a huge, immense world of lonely people...

You make me feel like ooo-wee when you look at me and thoughts of your embrace make me feel like ooo-wee I don't know your name and have never seen your face, but the image of you makes me feel like ooo-wee Incoherent babbling from uncontrollable desires and irresistable charms and my body nestled gently in your arms makes me feel like ooo-wee Satisfying my emotion since I feel for your potion - reading my mind as we defy time - giving me what I want before I knew you had it, riding the tides of your love, ebbing one into the other lying here next to you, makes me feel like ooo-wee Secretly yearning for you who I never even knew - constantly dreaming of your style, about the way your teeth emerge through your smile. Only an imagination - so vivd and detailed - full of life and it makes me feel like ooo-wee OOO-WEE...OOO-WEE...OOO-WEE...OOO-WEE By Andrew J Dorsey May 28, 2008 - 10:55 a.m.