Shades of Drew

Lying here in this bed of my own design, clumsily crafted and molded with a rebellious mind, held together with loose tape and far-reaching thoughts of what could have been, I wonder if my time has passed.  Have I wasted this gift God has given, life?  Surely He must be fed up with all that I haven't done.  Sick and tired of me fighting against even the thought of His purpose for my life. Maybe deep inside I know God's plan for my life. Maybe what I perceive as God's plan is a presumptuous feeling of importance. Steadily reaching for the top when God may have called me to sweep the bottom.  Yes, Jesus was the sacrifice and was slain so that I may have all of what I have done nothing to deserve. Ungrateful and undeserving as I am, I still want the biggest dream anyone could dream to come true for myself. My dream of happiness.  Knowing my happiness could be in the sweeping or possibly in the acceptance of what God has for me to be...or of what Go...

Sometimes the weight of living this life like a sack of bricks weighs so heavily on my chest that I lose my breath, and breathing is pain; living is more than I can bare.  Void of joy, sometimes I smile to hold back the tears, laughing to hide my truth. Silently wondering how the wandering of my youth was so misguided - so far off track.  Too far from the path I'd planned, sometimes I feel so very lost in all this mess I've made of life. My destination so very clear, so very near but the will to keep going and the wisdom in knowing just can't compete with the darkness.  Sometimes I'm afraid that the straw will break the camel's back, that I will step on the crack, and my time will be up. No more chances to push through the funk. No more silver linings or flip side of the coin.  Sometimes I have more times than I can count, far out numbering the other times, and at some point I need to realize that this time I need to move beyond those sometimes. ...