Shades of Drew

If when it rains it pours, I'm drowning in tears - slowly sinking to greet rock's bottom. Hoping not to see them there - all the plans and hopes and dreams why even try - as hard as it seems. I want to just give up and face my end, yet I tarry, lingering, trying to pretend - that what they see camouflages the hurt and despair, the muting fact - no one to care...if the face I wear should even be there - if the smile that extends from ear to ear can hide the fact that I want my end to be here. With my luck, as bad as it is, I'll find happiness and want to live and it'll all be over within the tick of a clock - fate to be sealed, the door to be locked - and the thing for which I impatiently wait will stand square in my face...laughing and saying - the big, fat dummy took the bait. By Andrew J Dorsey 9/22/08 - 1:01 PM - Monday

Before I got here, I had so much to say. So many thoughts and ideas, hopes and dreams, plans and aspirations...all shot to shit. Pardon my language, but a lack of words have slowed me down. I know there is no excuse...nothing to excuse my feelings. Before I leave here, what will I say to make it good? What will I do to heal the pain...like salt on my wound. Figuratively speaking it really hurts. From beginning to end, the endless cycle of mind-numbing confusion overwhelms my thoughts. By Andrew J Dorsey Saturday -April 7, 2007 - 6:33 P.M.

Why does loneliness hurt so much? So much it makes me loose touch with reality and my loose grip on sanity. Wishing wishless wishes and dreaming dreamless dreams. The thing I long for to birth a smile... Living life to satisfy His will, giving up all I've ever wanted. Finding joy the things that are outside of my character. Striving to be someone I never desired to be. Walking blindly, using the foresight of Him not seen. I dare not proclaim a name in fear of disrespect. I silence my tongue and give up my me-ness. By Andrew J Dorsey Sunday - 7/30/2006 - 8:37 P.M.